Why Not Me??

Last night while chatting with a friend, I got to know that I have been the member of FOSLA ever since high school! Frustrated One Sided Lovers' Association - in short FOSLA! I'm not here to mope and cry about my heartbreak. But I do want to let people know, that it's okay and they are not alone. I mean literally, there's a whole damn association full of people with the same heartaches!

Now that I look back at those petty high school years, I feel embarrassed of all the stupid things I did when I thought I was in "love" and that "he" was the "one" I was meant to be with! It wasn't that bad actually. I looked forward to seeing him every single chance I got. Throughout the week I would patiently wait for the weekend and would never miss a single chance to attend my weekend tuition classes! Every night I would pray to God, "Please! Please make him sit beside me!" Desperately I tried to engage him in conversations and tried to charm him with my words because that's all I had! I felt my ears burning whenever he complimented me or agreed that I was funny and nice to talk to. But in the end of the day he would pursue the tall skinny girls with the perfect hair and  the smooth skin, the ones who looked like they had hopped out of the cover of fashion magazines!

Songs like "Why not me" and "Teardrops on my Guitar" became my daily anthems. All day long I dreamt about him, hoping that one fine morning he would wake up and realize how madly he was in love with me, or while going about his daily schedule a sudden realization as to how incomplete he is without me would dawn on him. It never happened. Obviously! I ended up becoming a pathetic ghost of my former self as the desperation and frustration gnawed at me from all sides. I started emitting negativity and only attracted sympathy, even from my friends. Then one day finally I told him how I felt. It was a disaster! I wondered whether I even wanted him. I mean, how well did I know him at all. Was it love or just my weakness for a "pretty" face? After voicing my feelings, the relief was so great that I felt that all the time I wasted wasn't worth it! He was an amazing guy, but that's all! There was never a "connection".

I have changed now, hopefully for the better. My "failure" taught me a lot of lessons. It's okay to have an infatuation but this doesn't mean that the other person is bound to reciprocate the same feelings. What is important is the ability to accept that the "imaginary relationship" isn't working out; it never has and never will. What is important is the strength to move on without looking back, to live and let live.