Inhuman India

My previous blog post was dated 5^th June and I know it’s been a long while since I have written. In my writings I tend to complain about those things that are not going the way that things are ideally supposed to go. At times I feel embarrassed and frustrated because all this whining isn’t really leading to anything productive and the social evils are only going up day by day. The picture that you see is a blurred collection of some screenshots of examples of mob cruelty:

-        An Infosys employee hacked to death on a railway station and nobody came forward to help.

-        A worker from Assam tortured and left in the sun to die.

-        Mother shot dead by son after she refused to give money for drugs.

-        Husband and in-laws gang-rape woman. Tattoo her forehead and arms with abuses.

-        22-year old lynched by mob in front of his mother, mistaking him as a buffalo thief.-         

-        Woman raped at gunpoint, pistol forced in her private parts.

-        Tribal couple stripped and paraded naked by villagers.

-        Students of nursing college force a junior to drink toilet cleaner.

-        16-year-old stripped nude, thrashed for an alleged crime.

-        DGP suggests taking laws into one’s hands and killing criminals on the spot.

… And the list continues. It’s frightening, disgusting, shameful and plain sad. We are losing those basic traits which made us human, which distinguished us from the animals. The social media is abuzz these days with instances of “humanity” that the animals exhibit and the acts of selfless kindness that they exchange. As for us people, there are too many examples of the inhumane cruelty we inflict on each other. Where’s the compassion? Where’s the empathy? When did we become so intolerant? When did we become such sadistic blood-thirsty inhuman demons?

Most religions I know of have always emphasized on kindness and devotion. Is it not ironic that these days so many hate-crimes have their roots in religion? It’s shameful how people use religion as an excuse to explain their acts of malice. The level of hypocrisy in people is alarming. Somehow people believe that the best way to deal with any problem is to take the matters into one’s own hands. Unlike the Indian Judiciary, these people believe that a person accused of a crime is guilty unless proven innocent. What’s worse is that the alleged criminal is not even given a chance to prove their innocence or even to explain their side of the story.

Mob violence is rising at an uncanny rate. If a person is considered to have committed a crime, however much trivial it is, the mob is probably going to thrash him or lynch him to death for it. If the person by some stroke of luck escapes, then his/her family members are going to be targeted: stripped, tortured and humiliated to pay for their crimes. Passers-by will either stop to watch or will join the mob; nobody will raise their voice against the cruelty. Punishments meted out will be so brutal that its effects will haunt the victims for life. Irrationality, hatred, bias and fear are the key emotions governing the hearts of the people of our nation.

At times like this, it’s easy to lose faith in humanity. However, it is necessary that we stick to our beliefs and morality now more than ever. Question the illogical. Raise your voice against the wrongs. Use your strength and power to prevent bullies from misusing theirs. Make informed decisions. Do not jump to conclusions. Be accepting of the uniqueness of the people around you. Be human.

A thing or two about Weddings...

There is an indefinable, undeniable, un-let-go-able chemistry between girls and weddings. I’m not saying that that applies to all girls or to girls only, but as a young woman who loves weddings, I only speak for myself and those who feel the same way as I do. Indian weddings are quite different from the rest of the world and India being a subcontinent with various cultures and religions itself has its own variety. I, fortunately or unfortunately, have only attended one kind – the Bengali kind.

We Bengalis have a saying, “baaro maashe tyaro parbon” which literally translates to twelve months for thirteen celebrations which means that we have more festivals in a year than there are days. But we aren’t satisfied with just that and always look forward to “biyebari” or wedding invitations to add that extra zing to it all. Having attended quite a few weddings here are some realizations and conclusions that I have drawn:

1. Almost every maiden, whether they admit it or not, compare the wedding that they are attending, to their future ‘dream wedding’. Knowingly or unknowingly, they are making a mental note of things that they want and do not want at their own weddings.
   
    
2. The venue is one of the most important factors. If it is pretty and comfortable, then all’s well, nobody even notices it much and that (I think) is exactly what matters. The venue, the decorations, the marquee, the “mandap” are supposed to be pretty and subtle so that they serve as the backdrop to the events which will unfold. (I feel) The theme should not overpower the event or the people. However, a shabby or dirty venue is never subtle. It screams out loud and gives the people a negative vibe as soon as they enter and only gives them content for gossip.
    
   The wedding venue may be our own homes, a garden, a hall, a hotel… it could be anywhere. The creativity of the people responsible for its decoration is what really matters in order to liven it up so that it serves as the perfect background to one of the biggest events of a person’s life. How the venue originally looks or how it will look after the wedding is over is immaterial. Lights, flowers, cloth, ribbons, use anything you can get your hands on to beautify it for the event.
3. The most important part of any event, especially for sharks like me, is the food and one thing that I have learnt through experience is that it doesn’t matter if you have five items on the menu or five hundred, what matters is that the food should taste good. The variety of items will only awe or shock the people till they have tasted it. Once they start eating the food, it all comes down to the taste and that is what makes the biggest impact.
   
    
4. Planning the wedding is very important and wedding planners nowadays are angels who willingly take up the entire planning and organizational headache and allow the hosts to enjoy and relax a little more. They do know how to raise the glamour quotient of the events and how to awe the guests! However, (this is not a generalization) most wedding planners, lack the basic knowledge about specific rituals or family traditions and they sometimes end up mechanizing the whole event to such an extent that the heirlooms and customs are adversely affected.
    
5. Speaking about mechanizations – the best thing about weddings of people we are close to is the fact that we are involved in the whole process. However insignificant our contributions are, the fact that we are able to be useful at an event is what marks the difference between being an ordinary guest and being someone close to the host family. Wedding planners have a troop of employees to handle even the tiniest of job these days and that removes the fine line of difference between guests and extended families and that feeling isn’t particularly pleasing.
   
    
6. It doesn’t matter how strong the ladies on the bride’s side are; it doesn’t matter if the bride has already been living away from her family for years now; it doesn’t matter how huge a fight the bride had with an aunt or a sister… irrespective of any of these, all the ladies of the bride’s side (and sometimes the men too) will be an emotional wreck during the “bidaye” or “vidai” ceremony and they will cry puddles at the thought of the separation.
   
    
7. And finally what’s a wedding without some family drama? Organizing an event, whatever it may be, is a stressful task and it can get to even the best of people. People stress out, lose their temper, get irritated easily, behave in a mean manner and end up fighting with each other, sometimes over insignificant and sometimes over grave issues. What’s important is to make sure that we resolve these issues once the wedding is over and go back to being a functional family; after all, all hands on deck will be required for the next wedding in the family.
   
    

Every wedding is unique and beautiful and very personal to the people it revolves around. I personally feel that the best thing about weddings is that they make us believe in love. It gives us a chance to reunite with our families, extended families, friends, neighbors, colleagues and any other person one can reunite with. Most of all, it is an important occasion in the lives of the bride and the groom and being able to be a part of their celebration is indeed something to be very happy about.

Why We All Need Feminism

Nowadays there are lots of Indians who do not like to be associated with the most dangerous F-word in the dictionary. Indeed, I’m writing about Feminism. These people cringe at the mention of the word and deny ever having any association with it. After-all isn’t feminism all about women hating men and trying to become the supreme power in the world under the mask of pretentious equality? I for one am neither ashamed nor afraid of it and proud to be a female and hence a feminist.

 

Unlike countries in the West, India’s Feminist movement was initiated by men and later joined by women. Our forefathers who had fought for the freedom of our nation knew the importance of educating the women and upholding their rights. As a result women started breaking out of the shackles imposed on them and also played a major role in India’s Freedom Movement. Unfortunately this feminist spirit in our countrymen eventually died out and a majority of today’s men are sexist. That is why I believe that we need Feminism. Real feminists do not want to rule over men. Real feminists do not want to be the supreme power holders. Real feminists only want to co-exist in the society with equal rights and equal respect. However in order to achieve the Utopian idea of a peaceful co-existence, the men have to be supportive and empathetic towards the women’s issues and not act like these issues do not exist. The wage gap does exist. The rape culture and objectification also exists. So does the practices of dowry, domestic violence and female foeticide.

 

Lots of people argue that Feminism is not a movement for Equality because there isn’t a fair representation of the issues of all genders. With all due respect I would like to disagree with that statement. Feminists, for instance, coined the term rape culture. Every single day innumerable women, trans-people as well as men become victims of rape. But the victims are not the problem. Victims are NEVER the problem. The rapists, the offenders are the problem and the offenders in this case happen to be men almost all the time and these are the people the real feminists are up against. Objectification of women also happens to be another issue which feminists keep bringing up. Anti feminists retaliate by either saying that men are objectified too or that women sign up willingly to portray those objectified roles. That is true but once again they miss the basic point that the models and actors who sign up for those roles, it’s their job, their work and source of income. The directors, producers or music composers who create such low-quality work which won’t survive a day without the skin show are the ones to be blamed and they too mostly happen to be men; the sexist men feminists are against.

 

As a woman, it infuriates me when I realize that my life would have been very different and much more privileged had I been a man. That is exactly why I need feminism. Irrespective of my gender, I should have the advantage of living life the way I want to and not be judged for it. And that is going to be possible only when the society, especially the men changes their attitude towards women and enable to create a world where all genders have equal rights, responsibilities, duties and perks. Living in the city I must admit that I have a much better lifestyle compared to women who are living in underdeveloped rural areas. Given the chance I would indeed like to help in bringing all of them at par with us privileged urban girls so that we can aim for an egalitarian society. A society which does not allow progress to a majority of its population is regressive. Let's not stay regressive. Let's try to achieve perfection.