A Letter to the Female Feminists

Dear (female) Feminists,

I respect all of you and your points of view but that doesn’t mean that I agree with all your opinions. Probably you do not agree with my opinions either. But as feminists we are supposed to stick together. First and foremost let me tell you there’s nothing wrong with changing your mind if you are presented with new logic. As you all know, feminism is all about equality - equal rights, equal duties, equal respect and equal chances. If you want to be treated as an equal, you also have to extend the same courtesies not only to men but also to your sisters.

“A woman’s worst enemy is another woman” is a phrase we have all heard and also experienced at times. Is it right to be the woman who on one hand demands equal rights from her male counterparts while on the other hand refuses to give them to other women? Every person is unique and has different views, needs, wants, ambitions etc. You simply do not have the right to nullify or trivialize another’s existence just because they do not share the same opinions as you. If a woman likes to cover her body from head to toe with tattoos, it’s her choice. If for that you label her as “savage”, then are you giving her the respect or at least the chance that she deserves? If a woman likes having rough (but consensual) sex involving bondage with her partner, you can’t go around telling people that she is a rape-inviting slut. It’s her life and her choice and nobody has the right to label her just because she’s is not bound to the typical definition of a woman. There are lots of modern women whose dream is to marry rich and have a family with a husband and kids. Just because she doesn’t want the same things as you do, it doesn’t mean that she’s not ambitious or that she is old-fashioned. Not everybody wants a job. Not everybody wants to get married. Not everybody wants children. There are Muslim women who wear burqa by choice. There are modern Indian women who wear ethnic clothing because they feel beautiful in it and not because nothing else suits them. By virtue of human nature we simply can’t stop judging people. What we can do though is to keep those biased illogical judgements to ourselves and let reason and evidence guide our outlook.

Maybe some of you are thinking that this is all bullshit and that you are real feminists who are perfectly open minded and at peace with what other women are doing. Maybe you are right or maybe you are not. We say that we want every woman to have the right to do as they please. Yet when they do exactly that, we have a problem especially if what pleases them doesn’t please us. Those of you who have grown up watching Disney are well acquainted with Miley Cyrus. Most of us who really looked up to her as a role model earlier, disapprove of her now. You call her a sex-maniac (which she probably is). You also try to slut shame her and convince others that she is a disgrace to the female race and because of people like her women are not respected. Well if you do then let me tell you that you lack tolerance which is a basic quality for a person who demands equal rights. Even I do not approve of her lifestyle but that doesn’t mean I’ll belittle her choices. She is a strong woman (like you or me) who doesn’t like staying bounded by the roles that society defines for a woman. She makes her own rules and refuses to bow down to social norms and for that I respect her. Recently there’s been a lot of hue and cry when Caitlyn Jenner received the Arthur Ashe Courage Award and lots of women thought that she didn’t deserve it simply because they thought  her struggle to come out as a transgender female wasn’t as important as the daily hardships that normal women face. I too feel that the award was a bit too much especially since its other luminaries have been Muhammad Ali, Billie Jean King and Nelson Mandela. However most of us will never understand the struggles of a person who do not relate to the gender assigned to them at birth.

The problem with most of us feminists is that we want individual equality but we aren’t ready to fight on behalf of the other women who still are oppressed. When a woman is being ridiculed because of her choices, it’s our duty to protect them even if we personally do not agree with them. If you have a handbook which states the things that feminists do, then throw it away because no book in the world can incorporate each and every unique preference of the billions of women who exist. We all are unique, so are our tastes and choices. It’s our duty to stand together instead of getting into a cat-fight and hurling insults at one another. Just breathe, live and let live.

Yours lovingly,
just another feminist.