The Grim Fairy Tales

As kids most of us, especially girls, have grown up reading various different fairytales. The best part about these fairytales is their happy endings. Isn’t that what we all want? We want to believe that in the end everything will sort out and life will be just fine. Unfortunately, the original fairytales are grim in nature and I’m not sure if that’s how I’ll define happy endings.

We all remember the sweet Little Red Riding Hood who went to visit her ailing grandmother and on the way got distracted by a wolf that eventually ate both the grandma and the little girl. They were saved when a hunter found the wolf and cut its stomach to rescue them. All’s well that ends well, right? But the original story is a little different. The “Wolf” met Little Red Riding Hood in the forest and started conversing with her and got to know about her grandmother. He knew if he played his cards right he could “have” both the ladies. He took a shortcut to the old woman’s house while the misguided little girl took a longer roundabout route. He “ate” the Grandma and when Little Red Riding Hood arrived she stripped and got into bed with the wolf before he ate her up too. The End. No hunter turns up to save them. Frankly, I feel that in this case, the original story teaches better morals than the sugarcoated one. Little girls should not talk to strangers however attractive they might seem. The world is full of wolves that are ready to pounce on such unsuspecting young ladies to satisfy their hunger.

Wondering why the beautiful glass slippers are covered with blood? I’ll get there. In the fairytale Cinderella married Prince Charming. Her evil stepsisters begged her for forgiveness. It was decided to let bygones be bygones and the stepsisters got married to lords. However in one of the earlier versions the stepsisters each desperately tried to prove to the Prince that they were his lady love. One cut her toe off while the other cut her heel off to fit into the glass slippers which finally fit only Cinderella. Prince Charming married Cinderella but when he got to know that the stepsisters had tried to use treachery to win him, he was furious. Their feet were already bloodied and to add insult to injury the Prince ordered the birds to peck out the eyes of the stepsisters as a form of punishment that they will have to live with forever. The orders were carried out to the tiniest detail. Not so charming now, is he?

A similar story revolves around Snow White too. In the story we know, the evil Step mother, in this case the Queen, tries to kill Snow White in order to remain the most beautiful woman. In the end, Snow White however is united with the Prince and the evil Queen falls off the side of a cliff while being chased by the seven dwarves. In the original story however, the Queen was Snow White’s own mother. She was so vain that she couldn’t bear being less beautiful than anyone even if it was her own daughter. She tried to get her killed in all the possible ways she could but wasn’t successful. In the end Snow White married the Prince and the Queen was reluctant to go to the wedding. Upon going there she realized that the bride was none other than her daughter which sent her into a state of shock. As a penalty for attempted murder a pair of glowing-hot iron shoes were brought forth with tongs and placed before the Queen. She was forced to step into the burning shoes and to dance until she dropped dead. The Princes did know how to hand punishments out!

The original story of The Sleeping Beauty is by far the worst because it’s sick and shouldn’t be taught to impressionable young children. The wicked fairy’s curse caused the young princess and every member of the castle to go into slumber for a hundred years. A century apart when a handsome prince ventured into the castle he was awestruck by the princess’ beauty and kissed her causing her to wake up. They got married and lived happily ever after. Well guess what, life is never so simple. In the original story the Prince is awestruck by the beauty of the sleeping princess. In a lifeless castle there’s nobody to stop him. He doesn’t stop at just a kiss but goes on to have full-fledged sex with the Sleeping Beauty which in today’s world is termed as RAPE. She got pregnant and eventually gave birth to twins. One of those twins sucked her thumb causing the poisonous splint to come out and thus bringing her back to life. Once she came into her senses and met the prince and actually fell in love with him and then they got married and lived happily ever after.

The fairytales we read are just a pinker version of the original tales which however are not equally innocent. Some of these tales are horrendous. Apparently our princes were not very forgiving in nature and were dangerously vengeful. Some of them didn’t even consider “consent” as an important criterion prior to carnal relations, which in today's world is unacceptable. However these are the stories we have always held on to as kids. The question is,  in future do we want these princes to be the role models for our sons?

A Letter to the Female Feminists

Dear (female) Feminists,

I respect all of you and your points of view but that doesn’t mean that I agree with all your opinions. Probably you do not agree with my opinions either. But as feminists we are supposed to stick together. First and foremost let me tell you there’s nothing wrong with changing your mind if you are presented with new logic. As you all know, feminism is all about equality - equal rights, equal duties, equal respect and equal chances. If you want to be treated as an equal, you also have to extend the same courtesies not only to men but also to your sisters.

“A woman’s worst enemy is another woman” is a phrase we have all heard and also experienced at times. Is it right to be the woman who on one hand demands equal rights from her male counterparts while on the other hand refuses to give them to other women? Every person is unique and has different views, needs, wants, ambitions etc. You simply do not have the right to nullify or trivialize another’s existence just because they do not share the same opinions as you. If a woman likes to cover her body from head to toe with tattoos, it’s her choice. If for that you label her as “savage”, then are you giving her the respect or at least the chance that she deserves? If a woman likes having rough (but consensual) sex involving bondage with her partner, you can’t go around telling people that she is a rape-inviting slut. It’s her life and her choice and nobody has the right to label her just because she’s is not bound to the typical definition of a woman. There are lots of modern women whose dream is to marry rich and have a family with a husband and kids. Just because she doesn’t want the same things as you do, it doesn’t mean that she’s not ambitious or that she is old-fashioned. Not everybody wants a job. Not everybody wants to get married. Not everybody wants children. There are Muslim women who wear burqa by choice. There are modern Indian women who wear ethnic clothing because they feel beautiful in it and not because nothing else suits them. By virtue of human nature we simply can’t stop judging people. What we can do though is to keep those biased illogical judgements to ourselves and let reason and evidence guide our outlook.

Maybe some of you are thinking that this is all bullshit and that you are real feminists who are perfectly open minded and at peace with what other women are doing. Maybe you are right or maybe you are not. We say that we want every woman to have the right to do as they please. Yet when they do exactly that, we have a problem especially if what pleases them doesn’t please us. Those of you who have grown up watching Disney are well acquainted with Miley Cyrus. Most of us who really looked up to her as a role model earlier, disapprove of her now. You call her a sex-maniac (which she probably is). You also try to slut shame her and convince others that she is a disgrace to the female race and because of people like her women are not respected. Well if you do then let me tell you that you lack tolerance which is a basic quality for a person who demands equal rights. Even I do not approve of her lifestyle but that doesn’t mean I’ll belittle her choices. She is a strong woman (like you or me) who doesn’t like staying bounded by the roles that society defines for a woman. She makes her own rules and refuses to bow down to social norms and for that I respect her. Recently there’s been a lot of hue and cry when Caitlyn Jenner received the Arthur Ashe Courage Award and lots of women thought that she didn’t deserve it simply because they thought  her struggle to come out as a transgender female wasn’t as important as the daily hardships that normal women face. I too feel that the award was a bit too much especially since its other luminaries have been Muhammad Ali, Billie Jean King and Nelson Mandela. However most of us will never understand the struggles of a person who do not relate to the gender assigned to them at birth.

The problem with most of us feminists is that we want individual equality but we aren’t ready to fight on behalf of the other women who still are oppressed. When a woman is being ridiculed because of her choices, it’s our duty to protect them even if we personally do not agree with them. If you have a handbook which states the things that feminists do, then throw it away because no book in the world can incorporate each and every unique preference of the billions of women who exist. We all are unique, so are our tastes and choices. It’s our duty to stand together instead of getting into a cat-fight and hurling insults at one another. Just breathe, live and let live.

Yours lovingly,
just another feminist.

Beloved Bollywood and Rape Culture of India - Part 2

A few days ago I had written a post titled Beloved Bollywood and Rape Culture of India and as the name suggests I wrote about how our Bollywood industry promoted the rape culture of our country. Most people disagreed with my point of view, some misunderstood while others misquoted the blog post and thus I realized that I could have done a better job of presenting my views and that’s exactly what I hope to do today, clear the mess I created while justifying my point of view.

I never said that Bollywood is “the sole reason” for the rape in this country. However I do believe that Bollywood does play a crucial part in inspiring the rape culture of our nation. Rape and rape culture my friends are two different things. While the former can be roughly described as forcefully having any form of sex with a person without their proper consent, the latter is a culture in which dominant cultural ideologies, media images, social practices, and societal institutions support a misogynistic society and condone sexual abuse by normalizing, trivializing and eroticizing male violence against women and blaming victims for their own abuse be it for cat-calling, eve-teasing, molestation or rape. Bollywood doesn’t actively support rape; nobody does. But Bollywood too is a part of the massive crowd that unknowingly becomes party to the rape culture.

Let us consider an example. Let’s say that I am a perverted man (this is not a gender bias, just the fact that a majority of Indian eve-teasers are men). Like most people I do what I think is right and in my constricted opinion there is nothing wrong in “harmlessly flirting” with girls I see on the road even when they show their disinterest and let me know that I’m causing them discomfort. I mean, why should I back off? Girls love attention and I’m just giving them that; they should be thankful and return the favor! And then I turn to beloved Bollywood which always understands me. Not just one or two but I’ve come across quite a few movies where I can relate to the male characters as they too desperately pursue the prettiest girls they can lay their eyes upon and they relentlessly keep coming back till she eventually falls in love with them, the “heroes”. What more does a man like me want other than to be portrayed as a hero in a fantasy world where girls also fall in love with men like me? Bollywood doesn’t ask me to back off. On the contrary it encourages me.

Let us take another example. Now I am an impressionable young boy (again, not a gender bias). My father is the man of the house and at times he misbehaves with my mother; I’ve never seen it happen the other way around though. In the evenings, almost every Hindi entertainment channel intermittently shows the newest item numbers where women are scantily clothed and dance provocatively. They literally “ask for it” through their body language and by mouthing obscene lyrics and all that is deemed fit for watching with family. On the other hand a couple in love, sharing a kiss or making out is considered outrageous and is either censored by the censor board or the channel is changed by the parents. What do you think a boy like me will grow up to be with Bollywood to look up to? I’ll never really learn to respect a woman. For me, a woman will always be just a body meant to be objectified and whose sole purpose is to feed the lust of men because no matter what my parents say or do, Bollywood is the shiny toy I look up to.

For now, I’ll just resume my role as a blogger and get out of the role-playing session. It is true that Bollywood doesn’t create rapists. But do not tell me that it doesn’t even add fuel to the lustful flames already burning among the horny Indian men. We all look up to it for its multifaceted uses. Bollywood dictates our choices of fashion, our tastes in music, our lifestyle, our choice of holiday destination and sometimes it even tells us who to fall in love with (in a good way). An industry so vast and easily available for every person is bound to have certain disadvantages. When I am out on the streets lots of men who I do not know approach me. Do you know what they call out to me as? If you are guessing Simran, Rani, Naina, Meghna or Ayesha (who happen to be some of the greatest iconic Bollywood female characters), then you couldn’t be more wrong! However if you put your money on Chikni Chameli, Sheila or Munni (our beloved item girls), then you are bang on target! More than once strangers on bikes have abruptly stopped in front of me to make small talk (something they have seen our beloved heroes do) and have shamelessly followed me even though I did not show the slightest bit of interest. If you still think Bollywood doesn’t have even the tiniest role to play, then you are either stubborn or in plain denial.

It’s true that Bollywood mimics society but society mimics Bollywood on a much much larger scale. It’s sad when today’s directors and producers decide to uphold the wrong things (which just might be a form of escapism for their unfulfilled desires) and glamorize them, making the wrong look like right and sending the wrong message. When music directors make songs, they do not think that it’ll become an eve-teasers’ anthem (or maybe that's exactly what they want) but that’s what, they do not think at all. All they want is an immediate hit and what better way than to cater to the audience’s basic instincts? The industry people act like the mere businessmen that they are; instead of trying to make good films which will stay with the audience for a really long time, they make substandard films which will simply not run without the skin show. And guess what? These movies also make huge profits because of the simple fact that sex sells and so does vulgarity.

Bollywood at times tries to ape Hollywood and the results are hilarious. In an attempt to make bold movies, they end up making soft porn not realizing that even that can eventually cause trouble. Unfortunately the creativity of our beloved directors have dried up somewhat. Once in a while good movies are made; the ones which do not need unnecessary skin show to leave an impression. I do not expect Bollywood to make only women-centric films but at least give the audience strong female characters that not only Indian girls but also men look up to. Stop using women as mere props to sell your ideas. As powerful people it’s the industry’s responsibility to promote gender equality by at least portraying realistic female characters. Unless this industry unanimously promotes women safety, it will keep playing its passive role in promoting the nation’s rape culture.

I recently read a few other articles for research and this one by Bollywood columnist Proma Khosla: Bollywood has the responsibility to challenge rape culture caught my eyes. This one titled Bollywood's culture of rape indeed captured the theme very well. I am glad that my previous post was able to start a conversation. Remember when you empower women you can't have a selective approach and decide to empower just a small section. You have to proceed taking everyone into account.

Beloved Bollywood and Rape Culture of India

The passion for Bollywood is perhaps the invisible chord that joins every single Indian heart. It can aptly be described as one of those things which one may love or hate but definitely can’t ignore. In the lives of most Indian people, Bollywood is everywhere. Be it the morning newspaper, the billboards on the bypass, the small tea stalls on the sidewalk or the autos on the roads – Bollywood is omnipresent.

To blame the rape culture of India on Bollywood is indeed a very alluring idea, however it is inaccurate. Bollywood neither causes nor encourages rape. However Bollywood does contribute to the wider culture of misogyny and gender violence, which forms the base of the rape culture of our society. Of course I’ll elaborate:

1. Let’s start from the very beginning - the men. The male protagonists of any Bollywood movie are probably the closest thing that the gentlemen of India have as role models. Our male leads almost always happen to be violent and hyper masculine. No, they are not violent to women (mostly) because they have villains to fight. Our everyday young men on the other hand do not get to show off their strengths due to lack of such “filmy” villains and instead end up becoming those very villains. Rape is not about sex. I mean obviously there is forced sex involved, but more than that, rape is about establishing the supremacy of the power of masculinity. By proving their physical strength on women, rapists get the “high” that probably the heroes in our films get by slaying the villains.
   
2. Eve-teasing is totally fine if the teaser is the protagonist. Our Bollywood heroes are charismatic superhuman who fights villains and social evils. They do not hurt women; on the contrary they protect them. However lots of their love stories do start with simple acts of eve-teasing. Bollywood has made it clear that roadside Romeos, who ogle at women and relentlessly pursue them leaving no stone of desperation unturned, eventually get the girl. Be it Shiva of Rowdy Rathore, Radhe of Wanted, Rajkumar of R...Rajkumar or Kundan of Raanjhanaa, they all have this trait in common – they take fancy to a pretty woman and then heckles her till she responds in the affirmative and all this is called romance by Bollywood.
   
3. Blame the Audience. With films like Masti and Kya Cool Hai Hum, perverted double meaning jokes get a new identity. The crew members of the films defended themselves by saying that their movie was meant for “matured” audience. Films like these thrive on audience “misunderstanding” what the film is all about. For example, there was an instance in a film’s trailer where one of the characters says, “Main apna macho dunga” which means I’ll give my best. But of course the other character as well as our hapless audience confuses it with “Main apna ma chodunga” which mean’s I’ll fuck my mother. In another instance a very busty girl when asked by a guy what she does, tells him that she has two huge milk factories and she’ll give him a tour of those if he’s interested. Still blame the audience?
   
4. Objectifying women. Well there probably is no film industry on earth which doesn’t objectify women, but Bollywood takes it to a different level. There are very few instances where men are seen part by part as the camera zooms in on their bodies which happens usually just at the beginning. But women, the camera zooms in on their waistlines, cleavage, bare thighs, and lips all the time! One could say that this happens all around the world. But India is different from the rest; India recently criminalized consensual union of a certain kind. Sex education has been prohibited and banned in most parts of India. Parents do not have the bird-and-bees talk with their children here. In a country where sex itself is a taboo, movies like these definitely do not help the cause.
   
5. Item songs. This is probably the point I’ve been itching to come to. Except for a few movies, most Bollywood films have a couple of raunchy dance routines which have absolutely no relation to the context of the movie. Since in Indian TV sex can’t be shown without being censored, they are replaced by these item numbers which have expletive lyrics and scantily clad “item girls” gyrating and thrusting their pelvic region and shaking their hips inches away from the faces of innumerable men. Indian men who consider themselves the movie heroes probably expect everyday girls like us to be so inviting and horny. The item numbers look like orgies where the item girl have just enough clothing to hide their nether regions and nipples while they invite total strangers to come and have their way with her.
   
6. The censors, producers and directors. It’s shameful how most of our contemporary producers and directors depend on skin show and objectification of women to make their movies successful. They do not want to gain respect or recognition. All they care about is a quickie at the box office collections. It is clear that sex sells. Hence if you cannot a take a scene into a bedroom, do it in the open in a form where you can keep the content same without having to get censored. It’s unbelievable how cheap senseless films get permission to run as U/A whereas good films with even slight sexual content is dismissed. I personally found it hypocritical that the same people who went crazy for Deepika Padukone in Mit Jaaye Gham and Lovely thought My Choice was wrong and should be banned.
   

Bollywood claims that it does not inspire people but mimics them. To a certain extent this might be true but it’s more like the chicken and egg controversy, as to which came first. Good films are a rarity these days. Filmmakers try to be bold and fail miserably. There are very few movies with strong female characters; either that or they get sidelined by the tom foolery that is put up. As a true Indian I love Bollywood. All I can do is hope that the industry will grow up and try to rectify its mistakes to get out of its pathetic stagnant state.