A thing or two about Weddings...

There is an indefinable, undeniable, un-let-go-able chemistry between girls and weddings. I’m not saying that that applies to all girls or to girls only, but as a young woman who loves weddings, I only speak for myself and those who feel the same way as I do. Indian weddings are quite different from the rest of the world and India being a subcontinent with various cultures and religions itself has its own variety. I, fortunately or unfortunately, have only attended one kind – the Bengali kind.

We Bengalis have a saying, “baaro maashe tyaro parbon” which literally translates to twelve months for thirteen celebrations which means that we have more festivals in a year than there are days. But we aren’t satisfied with just that and always look forward to “biyebari” or wedding invitations to add that extra zing to it all. Having attended quite a few weddings here are some realizations and conclusions that I have drawn:

1. Almost every maiden, whether they admit it or not, compare the wedding that they are attending, to their future ‘dream wedding’. Knowingly or unknowingly, they are making a mental note of things that they want and do not want at their own weddings.
   
    
2. The venue is one of the most important factors. If it is pretty and comfortable, then all’s well, nobody even notices it much and that (I think) is exactly what matters. The venue, the decorations, the marquee, the “mandap” are supposed to be pretty and subtle so that they serve as the backdrop to the events which will unfold. (I feel) The theme should not overpower the event or the people. However, a shabby or dirty venue is never subtle. It screams out loud and gives the people a negative vibe as soon as they enter and only gives them content for gossip.
    
   The wedding venue may be our own homes, a garden, a hall, a hotel… it could be anywhere. The creativity of the people responsible for its decoration is what really matters in order to liven it up so that it serves as the perfect background to one of the biggest events of a person’s life. How the venue originally looks or how it will look after the wedding is over is immaterial. Lights, flowers, cloth, ribbons, use anything you can get your hands on to beautify it for the event.
3. The most important part of any event, especially for sharks like me, is the food and one thing that I have learnt through experience is that it doesn’t matter if you have five items on the menu or five hundred, what matters is that the food should taste good. The variety of items will only awe or shock the people till they have tasted it. Once they start eating the food, it all comes down to the taste and that is what makes the biggest impact.
   
    
4. Planning the wedding is very important and wedding planners nowadays are angels who willingly take up the entire planning and organizational headache and allow the hosts to enjoy and relax a little more. They do know how to raise the glamour quotient of the events and how to awe the guests! However, (this is not a generalization) most wedding planners, lack the basic knowledge about specific rituals or family traditions and they sometimes end up mechanizing the whole event to such an extent that the heirlooms and customs are adversely affected.
    
5. Speaking about mechanizations – the best thing about weddings of people we are close to is the fact that we are involved in the whole process. However insignificant our contributions are, the fact that we are able to be useful at an event is what marks the difference between being an ordinary guest and being someone close to the host family. Wedding planners have a troop of employees to handle even the tiniest of job these days and that removes the fine line of difference between guests and extended families and that feeling isn’t particularly pleasing.
   
    
6. It doesn’t matter how strong the ladies on the bride’s side are; it doesn’t matter if the bride has already been living away from her family for years now; it doesn’t matter how huge a fight the bride had with an aunt or a sister… irrespective of any of these, all the ladies of the bride’s side (and sometimes the men too) will be an emotional wreck during the “bidaye” or “vidai” ceremony and they will cry puddles at the thought of the separation.
   
    
7. And finally what’s a wedding without some family drama? Organizing an event, whatever it may be, is a stressful task and it can get to even the best of people. People stress out, lose their temper, get irritated easily, behave in a mean manner and end up fighting with each other, sometimes over insignificant and sometimes over grave issues. What’s important is to make sure that we resolve these issues once the wedding is over and go back to being a functional family; after all, all hands on deck will be required for the next wedding in the family.
   
    

Every wedding is unique and beautiful and very personal to the people it revolves around. I personally feel that the best thing about weddings is that they make us believe in love. It gives us a chance to reunite with our families, extended families, friends, neighbors, colleagues and any other person one can reunite with. Most of all, it is an important occasion in the lives of the bride and the groom and being able to be a part of their celebration is indeed something to be very happy about.

Why We All Need Feminism

Nowadays there are lots of Indians who do not like to be associated with the most dangerous F-word in the dictionary. Indeed, I’m writing about Feminism. These people cringe at the mention of the word and deny ever having any association with it. After-all isn’t feminism all about women hating men and trying to become the supreme power in the world under the mask of pretentious equality? I for one am neither ashamed nor afraid of it and proud to be a female and hence a feminist.

 

Unlike countries in the West, India’s Feminist movement was initiated by men and later joined by women. Our forefathers who had fought for the freedom of our nation knew the importance of educating the women and upholding their rights. As a result women started breaking out of the shackles imposed on them and also played a major role in India’s Freedom Movement. Unfortunately this feminist spirit in our countrymen eventually died out and a majority of today’s men are sexist. That is why I believe that we need Feminism. Real feminists do not want to rule over men. Real feminists do not want to be the supreme power holders. Real feminists only want to co-exist in the society with equal rights and equal respect. However in order to achieve the Utopian idea of a peaceful co-existence, the men have to be supportive and empathetic towards the women’s issues and not act like these issues do not exist. The wage gap does exist. The rape culture and objectification also exists. So does the practices of dowry, domestic violence and female foeticide.

 

Lots of people argue that Feminism is not a movement for Equality because there isn’t a fair representation of the issues of all genders. With all due respect I would like to disagree with that statement. Feminists, for instance, coined the term rape culture. Every single day innumerable women, trans-people as well as men become victims of rape. But the victims are not the problem. Victims are NEVER the problem. The rapists, the offenders are the problem and the offenders in this case happen to be men almost all the time and these are the people the real feminists are up against. Objectification of women also happens to be another issue which feminists keep bringing up. Anti feminists retaliate by either saying that men are objectified too or that women sign up willingly to portray those objectified roles. That is true but once again they miss the basic point that the models and actors who sign up for those roles, it’s their job, their work and source of income. The directors, producers or music composers who create such low-quality work which won’t survive a day without the skin show are the ones to be blamed and they too mostly happen to be men; the sexist men feminists are against.

 

As a woman, it infuriates me when I realize that my life would have been very different and much more privileged had I been a man. That is exactly why I need feminism. Irrespective of my gender, I should have the advantage of living life the way I want to and not be judged for it. And that is going to be possible only when the society, especially the men changes their attitude towards women and enable to create a world where all genders have equal rights, responsibilities, duties and perks. Living in the city I must admit that I have a much better lifestyle compared to women who are living in underdeveloped rural areas. Given the chance I would indeed like to help in bringing all of them at par with us privileged urban girls so that we can aim for an egalitarian society. A society which does not allow progress to a majority of its population is regressive. Let's not stay regressive. Let's try to achieve perfection.

 

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Women's Day 2016

As this Women's Day draws to its end, it's time to admit that the world is far from perfect. Our society is not anywhere close to equal. Female feticide and genital mutilation is still rampant. Girls in many parts of the world are still fighting for their right to education. Women are still considered objects by hypocrites all over the world. Abortion laws, pink tax, unequal payment are still issues all over the world. There are simply so many gender issues that it's hard to mention them all in this short impromptu afterthought post.
I still feel scared to walk on empty streets once it's dark. I still pray that a perv doesn't occupy the seat beside me on the bus. I still have to listen to sexist jokes and laugh, because it's "not a big deal". I am forced to mistrust people in order to ensure my safety: after all "better safe than sorry". People think I'm "brave" and also a "rebel" just because I do not use make up. My parents still fear for my safety even when I'm just a little late. I am expected to walk straight on the path that society has chalked out for me and not ask "too many" questions.
But it doesn't matter. Really, it doesn't. Our world is far from perfect but definitely nearer than it was even a decade ago. We have come a long way, but there's still miles and miles to go in order to achieve equality. Taking offence and complaining is not enough. Stand up against inequality, whoever it may be against. Open your senses to logic and make informed decisions. Let your voice be heard. If you have a problem, then do something about it. Woman up and embrace the world for you are the only one who can change it.
Happy Women's Day to all. smile emoticon

Periods and Rules and Rights

Ever since the start of 2016 I had been just too lazy to get writing. Even though there were lots of topics that I wanted to write about, I just didn’t feel up to it. And once again it’s that time of the year. International Women’s Day is just around the corner and it is high time I shake off the excess lethargy and get back to doing what I do best – talk about social issues, especially gender issues; period.

I have to start with a minor incident which infuriated me quite a bit, even though it doesn’t really affect me in any way directly. I do not have many good memories of my school life. Now most people just think that that’s a horrible thing to say about one’s school. But my school’s administration is known for making crazy illogical rules and regulations which sometimes violates the basic human rights and I am thankful that I have graduated already and don’t have to tolerate all those nonsense. My school’s newest rule is: GIRLS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BRING SANITARY NAPKINS TO SCHOOL. IF PADS ARE FOUND, THEN THOSE WILL BE CONFISCATED. IF IT IS NECESSARY, THEN GIRLS HAVE TO BUY IT FROM THE SCHOOL. Isn’t that sweet?

First and foremost I must mention that it is an all-girl missionary school. Many of you might not find it offensive, but the truth is lots of people do. It’s a matter of personal choice as to which brand of napkin a girl wants to wear. The period pattern, the flow, the size of pad used, its length, its thickness, whether or not it has wings… these are all personal choices of an individual and also a matter of habit. If somebody forcefully takes away that choice and freedom from the girls and teaches them that as members of the weaker sex, they must learn how to make the best out of a bad situation that had been imposed on them, then I am not going to tolerate it patiently with a smile!

Menstruation is the order of nature and one must not try to go against it. It’s not something that girls just do for the sake of fun. Carrying pads just ensures us girls a way to be able to keep it under control. When a rule like this is imposed, it is not just devoid of logic but also a plain denial of basic rights. It is basically like the Salt Tax imposed during the British Rule – you had to buy salt at an inhumanely high price even though it was a basic necessity and could be prepared very easily. Because of the stigma associated with menstruation, girls do not even have a choice in this matter. They HAVE TO use pads and buy them too instead of just bringing it from their homes.

Moreover if a girl has heavy flow, then she’ll require frequent changing of pads, while a girl with very light flow might not need to change at all. Is that not unfair for some while others make money per pad they sell? When issues like pink tax are being talked about worldwide, how can things like this be expected from popular institutions? I’ll soon write more about period shaming and pink tax. If you have an opinion, do comment.

Reminiscing 2015

Five days into the year 2016, I decided to look back at the year that was. Like always it was a roller coaster, with its ups and downs. At some occasions time stood still while at others I wished that time would stand still. But in general it was yet another beautiful year which helped me grow up and changed me, hopefully for the better.

2015 gave me a lot of responsibilities, something which I’ve never had before. I royally fucked up some of them while others I handled with perfect precision. I helped plan a wonderful picnic for the teachers and classmates of my department. For the college tech fest, I helped other event heads manage their events while I couldn’t even attend mine. I blogged a lot, mostly upholding various social issues and occasionally about me, like today! I am glad that however small, I did make an impact and in some cases started arguments and brought important issues to the notice of my readers. Thanks to that, I also got to lead the editorial team of my college magazine. I played a major role in organizing the first ever alumni meet of my department. I know my article today has too much of ‘I’, ‘me’ and ‘my’ but I’ve learned that once in a while it’s good to write about oneself.

Last year was filled with a lot of firsts. I got my first real job, even though I haven’t yet joined. I had my first boyfriend: it was long distance and lasted for less than a day. A girl hit on me for the first time: I thought I was in love till I realized that she was just kidding. And then I went on to have multiple infatuations. I tried to have my first kiss but it didn’t work out either. Did some more illegal shit! I embarrassed myself in front of one of my student’s mother. I love weddings and I got to attend a very flashy one for the first time. I went to a rock concert for the first time. I also got to see the football legend Pele from up close. I bonded with my cousin after three years of a distressed relationship and we are going stronger than ever. I got closer to my baby sister than ever before. I proposed a guy to be my guy best friend: it turns out that he felt the same way about me!

It was a brilliant year and now that I look back I know how much it transformed me into who I am now. I understand myself much better than I did last year and I hope 2016 also helps me to grow as a person. My New Year resolution is to learn, have an open mind to debatable issues, stand up for the right things and enjoy the little nuances of life.