Choices

The fire named "My Choice" seems to be spreading really fast and vast. It seems to be the last word in any argument these days. Even though I too feel that the video could have been implemented in a much better way, I must agree now, any publicity is good publicity. But there are certain things about people's approach to the Vogue empowerment video which just does not seem right:

1. People have been taking this video very literally. Instead of pondering on the message which the video tries to convey, all they are doing is adding "My Choice" to the end of every sentence emanating from their mouths.
2. It seems to me like all the men and women against this video definitely agree to one point: if a woman is given the freedom to choose whether to have sex out of marriage or not, she definitely will!
3. For God's sake, neither Deepika Padukone nor Homi Adajania is encouraging adultery; they have just tried to uphold a woman's freedom to make her own decision. Period!
4. Every person has a story; often people have to make tough decisions which do not make any sense to others. So you may judge a woman for the choices she make as much as you want, but do not expect them to give your blabbering a patient hearing.
5. A person doing the right things by choice is stronger than a person doing the same things, but only because society expects them to do so. Obviously, whereas one is blindly following social norms, the other is making her own decisions.
6. I think My Choice also asks its viewers to stop judging a person's character based on their appearance. Firstly, appearances can be deceptive. Secondly, it's not anybody else's business.
7. In the video the choices talked about affect only one person directly, the one who's making the choice. But since people are connected, hence these choices are bound to have their repercussions on others, although indirectly.
8. No! A rapist can't just rape or a murderer can't just murder and say "My Choice" - firstly these are heinous crimes punishable by law. Secondly when you rape or murder you are directly harming others.
9. Cheaters will cheat no matter what. But if I can't hold my husband's affection, may be somewhere down the line I do share some of the blame.
10. Of course one can dress the way they want or not dress at all, it's their choice. But if some women think it's fine to show their cleavage, then they shouldn't complain if they catch a glimpse of a man's butt crack!

Freedom Of Choice

A lot of hue and cry has been going on for a while ever since the release of Vogue Empowerment’s “My Choice” directed by Homi Adajania, starring Deepika Padukone. Apparently a lot of people are not comfortable with “Deepika’s choices”. Without delving in deeper into the message conveyed by the video, people have been critiquing it in every possible platform they can, doing exactly what the video asks them not to.

What you wear is your choice, what I wear is mine, what Deepika wears is her choice to make and nobody has the right to dump their choices on others. What I do with my life is up to me; it’s my choice – a sane informed decision I make by using my logical reasoning and common senses. If you do not agree with me, you do not have to follow me! You do not have to follow anyone; make your own rules. What I do with my body, how I perceive my life, is up to me. I get to decide if I want to maintain my curves or work out to get a toned body. It’s my choice whether I want to get married or not. I get to decide who I am going to have sex with, not the society. I am not a piece of furniture or anybody’s pet dog that can be named and personalized according to my owner’s wishes. I am free to live my life the way I want. If you love me, then have faith in my loyalty towards you, because if you were not my choice, I wouldn’t be with you in the first place.

“To have sex out of marriage” seems to be the transcript causing the greatest disturbance. I don’t think Deepika endorses or supports adultery, most people don’t. It’s just an available option in a multiple choice question that most faithful people will choose not to choose. Every day when I step out of home, I have the option to dress or remain naked; obviously I choose to dress because belonging to a civilized world I can’t imagine otherwise. My choices should satisfy me before satisfying others. Even today there are hundreds of women who dress according to the regulations of their families, thousands who marry only because their families want them to get married, give birth because society expects them to do so. Given an alternative, most women will still choose to dress the same way, marry the same person and bear a child, but then at least the choice will be hers. The power to choose is a person’s birth right. Taking her own decisions and extricating herself from the shackles of society is all that this video is about.

I agree that this video could have been better implemented, unless of course its aim was to start a discussion by creating controversy. Taking it literally and just considering its outward appearance without thinking twice about its true meaning only reflects the shallow nature of the “critics” who seemed to have taken the internet by storm. Let me take the decisions that will shape my life, at least I’ll be responsible for it.

For those who still haven't watched the video, click here

For A Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic

I had once read a joke which went like this:

Pessimist: It can't get any worse than this!

Optimist(very happily): Oh yes it can!

Optimism and pessimism are a world apart. If people were to be quizzed as to which approach is better, most people would agree on optimism. The truth however is that every person is different and their approach to life is different. Pessimism and optimism are just two different approaches people adopt to deal with various complex situations in life.

I believe that every person has a little of both optimism and pessimism in them, although their ratios might vary. Frankly, extreme optimists are just delusional, they seem to see the world through rose colored goggles and refuse to take them off. Extreme pessimists, on the other hand, are just sad and hopeless as they only seem to notice the dark side of any event. I believe that optimism and pessimism have their own set of pros and cons. Hence, it is important that one use it to their advantage as per the demand of a situation. Everybody wants to progress in life. In order to progress it's important to keep moving; however, making sure that you don't go backwards is equally germane. An optimist is easily motivated if her work is applauded and praised, but she usually is not good at handling criticism. A pessimist however refuses to believe that her work is perfect; to motivate her, one has to tell her where she can rectify in order to achieve perfection.

Honestly, too much of optimism gets sickly at times. Optimists are known for there farsightedness. Maybe, eventually everything works out and neatly falls into place. But what about right now? Fracturing your leg on the night before your semester exams, what can possibly be good about that? How can anything good ever come out of a punctured Tyre when you are already running late for an important meeting? Where is the silver lining behind a woman being raped and killed? It's wrong to believe that our world is the worst of all possible worlds. But believing that it's the best is plain denial. The truth is that the world won't be a better a place unless we directly start contributing to it. I am not a psychologist, hence I do not know which is correct or which is wrong. All I know is that different circumstances require different approaches and optimism and pessimism can both be used to one's advantage.

Optimism and pessimism go hand in hand. One teaches us to dream and keeps our hopes high while the other keeps us in touch with reality. One strengthens our ambition and make us determined to achieve our goals, the other prompts us to keep a plan B just in case. Optimism and pessimism are two very different and yet very effective strategies to cope with life. After all there's nothing wrong with hanging out on cloud nine, but for goodness sake, wear a parachute!

I Am Woman

With Women’s Day just around the corner, it isn't hard to imagine what a blogging feminist would blog about! Honestly, I've never celebrated Women’s Day. I mean, if there is no Men’s Day, what is the point in keeping aside a day for women; where is the equality in that? But only last year I got to know about the existence of Men’s Day – hence, now I can celebrate global femininity without feeling biased.

I have come across lots of women who are otherwise very modern but claim that they are not feminists. I have to admit, not long ago, I was one of them too; the reason behind it being my ignorance and misinterpretation of the term “feminism”. I was under the impression that a feminist is a man-hater. I mean, if there’s a global movement demanding gender equality, doesn't that prove that women are not actually at par with men? But now I know that the reason behind my immature argument was the fact that I have always considered myself deserving of equal rights and opportunities as men because of my upbringing – I couldn't imagine the idea of being discriminated on the basis of my sex. Now I know that the reason feminism exists is because women have been oppressed by men for centuries now and a joint venture is needed to bring every woman at par with their masculine counterpart.  I am a feminist and I’m definitely not a man-hater; quite the opposite in fact!

Thanks to the combined effort of countless feminists all over the world, today men and women are treated equally everywhere – well almost! In spite of this, sexism in subtle form still exists, though mostly unintentional! Whenever a woman accomplishes something great, she is called a “female achiever”, not just an “achiever”; as if her gender is a handicap which she overcame to achieve greatness. Even today to ensure their safety, women are expected to behave in such a way so as to not attract any unnecessary attention. A boy with a regular sex life is just a boy, but when a girl does the same, she is a whore. Songs with lyrics which degrade the status of women, end up becoming party anthems. Female characters are almost always described or portrayed objectively with description of every single part of her body! If a woman isn't ready to be bound by the norms of the society, she isn't called “independent”, she’s called a slut.

Women need to embrace their originality without worrying about what society has to say about them. Society will never stop judging you. Your voice, personality and principles are all you can hold onto and make use of. Every single woman is unique and beautiful. Be in love with yourself. Being selfish once in a while is fine. Follow your heart and do not let society’s opinion of you be in your way.

Little Bad Girl

The naughtiest girl I have ever known is my little baby sister. Well, she’s not that little – four more years and she’ll be done with school, but anyone who knows her well, starting from our neighbors to relatives, could vouch that she is indeed the most mischievous girl they have ever known! Even though she makes my life hell with her tomfoolery, she’s the person who adds spice and flavor to my otherwise mundane routine.

When she was little, the only people she would go to were my mother and grandmother. I desperately tried to make her come to me using chocolates and balloons as baits but the little devil knew better; the moment she got what she wanted, she would slip out of my grasp and run to our mum. However, as time has passed, I have secured the topmost position on her list of favorite people. Frankly, at home, she’s the only person who finds me funny – my parents do not understand sarcasm and all my quips and jokes would have fallen flat had my sister not appreciated them. I often find myself watching a perfectly harmless movie with my sister, but the moment our parents pass by, the characters of our movie end up sharing a long passionate kiss and my sister and I look at each other from the corner of our eyes gasping to keep our giggles to ourselves, and once our parents leave, we burst out laughing, unable to believe our apparent misfortune!

My sister isn’t a fan of vegetables. She screws up her face at every vegetarian preparation and if my attention falters for a moment, all her greens end up in my plate while I remain blissfully unaware of the transaction. When it comes to helping herself to the proteins, it’s like her eyes are fitted with physical balances and she minutely scrutinizes every piece of fish or meat before selecting the largest one even if it’s bigger by just a millimeter. My sister isn’t the flatterer type. She’s not afraid of voicing her thoughts. She is highly opinionated and sticks by her views till the very end. Changing her mind is a very difficult task. My sister is a die-hard fan of football and she literally goes crazy during the world cup season. She’s a connoisseur of good music and digs out nameless tracks by unknown musicians from every nook and cranny of the internet. At the same time, she’s also treasure trove of beauty tips and tricks and doesn’t shy down when it comes to sharing her vast knowledge on any subject.

My sister fills up my life with joy and excitement and I can say for a fact that she had made me a better person. She is the one person who sees through my pretense and always knows when I’m lying. Beneath her arrogant “I don’t care” attitude is a wonderful selfless person who makes my life worth living. She’s the one person I know I can count on forever. And however much I detest her incessant nagging and hooliganism, I know my life is empty without her.

Is It Over??

Sana rested her head on the frame of the bus window. It had been a long day at college. As the cool evening breeze gently caressed her face, her thoughts went back to Raj. Raj was at the other side of the country pursuing higher studies. It’s been five years since they last met but time and distance didn't have much impact on the bond they shared. “A boy and girl can never be just friends”, a friend had once told her. Recently, she had been wishing otherwise.

Five years ago Raj was just another guy; their conversations consisted only of “Hi”, “Hello” and “Happy New Year”. But in the past two years the relationship has evolved beyond measure. Never before had Sana felt so connected with someone so far away. It was almost unreal how two people with no common friends, no common events, and no common tastes could talk to (or text with) each other every single day, all day long. Time flied unnaturally fast when she was with him. She loved his voice, his opinions, his mentality, his approach to life and his sense of humor. Talking to him completed her; she had never felt more alive. But people are never satisfied with what they have, they always want more, they want better. Sana was only human - she wanted more too. It was immensely difficult but she finally gathered enough courage to propose. Big mistake! Having gone through a bad breakup, Raj didn't have the strength to do it all over again. Sana was important to him but he loved her as a friend and wanted things to remain that way.

It hurt terribly for a couple of days, but then Sana wasn't ready to lose him. She would not let her ego demolish the wonderful bond she shared with Raj. If friendship was what he wanted, that is exactly what he’ll get from her. In a very short while, the two of them were again chatting with each other 24x7. Sana was glad that there was no awkwardness between the two of them; she was elated to have him back in her life. But Raj wasn't happy - Sana didn't flirt with him anymore. Even when he tried to strike up a little romance, she would change the topic. The truth was Sana just didn't have the strength to go through it again. She had convinced herself that she too wanted to be his best friend, nothing else – and there was no undoing it! After a while even though she tried hard to feel romantically about Raj, she just couldn't bring herself to do it anymore! Someone else had caught her fancy. Just when she thought everything was going well, Raj tried to propose. Big mistake! She loved Raj but he was a good friend and she wanted things to remain that way.

It was the last time she talked to Raj. He didn't try to contact her. She didn't have the guts to face him either. When you talk to someone everyday all day long, and then suddenly discontinue all communication, it feels very empty. She felt empty. She missed him. She missed their conversations. She missed her friend. Was it really over or was it only for the best? “Ticket Ticket”, the conductor called out in a gruff voice waking her up from her train of thoughts.

Let Me Love You

This had never happened before in the two years that Dyna had known him. His rugged handsome looks had always enticed her. But it was a casual infatuation, just like the other fifty odd men and women who charmed her mind. It was only recently that the two had had started communicating with each other on a regular basis. That was the inception of the warm feeling emanating from her heart.

Over the course of time, Dyna had convinced herself to ignore such baseless romantic feelings. For a girl like her, falling in love was very easy; the path that followed, not as much. Love scared her, so she usually chose to tactfully avoid it. This time too, as soon as she realized that she was falling for him, she forced herself into believing that he was way beyond her league. It worked for a while, but then came the turning point. It was late at night while Dyna glued her eyes to the screen of her desktop waiting for his next email. He wanted to share some of his self composed songs with her and Dyna watched with bated breath as his voice slowly downloaded into her machine, and oh the bliss when it began playing!

Her breath felt heavier and she could feel her heart pounding on her chest as his voice from the headphone whispered into her ears. A warm unknown excitement gripped her. This has never happened before. All her restrictions had failed! A sudden pang of jealousy streaked through her when she realized that she wanted to be the object of his affection, she wanted to be his muse, she wanted to be at least a small part of his thought which was so beautiful that it had captivated her through a simple tune, rhythm and voice. She listened to him over and over again and felt a strange connection with him, but did he? Probably not. History was repeating itself; once again she was stealing glances at him.  Once again she was reaching for the non achievable only to be greeted with disappointment and pain.

She didn't know if she had the courage. A crowd of “What if?” encompassed her as she remained undecided about what to do and what not to do. She did enjoy his company and intellect but that didn't mean he felt the same way. Was the desperation worth it? There was a lot to gain and even more to lose. Remaining undecided only felt like the right thing to do at the moment.